A couple of weeks ago Loren Feldmen put on the Audience Conference in New York. We supported the conferece, first announcing it and then writing more posts and tweets to help with ticket sales. I also committed to speaking at the event. About a week before the event I was asked if I could foster care for a very sick dog named Buddy. Buddy is a two year old yellow lab who was having some trouble finding a new owner because of hip dysplasia affecting his back legs and two deformed elbows messing up his front legs. He likely needs four leg surgery to be able to walk at all later in life, which may cost $30,000 or more. And the elbow surgery is tricky and may actually make things worse.
Buddy was living in a kennel at a vet’s office when I picked him up. He now lives with me and my chocolate lab Laguna and with the help of two pain killer medications he seems happy enough. He just can’t move very well, and need help getting on/off couches and beds. Buddy also had a nasty ear infection when I got him, but that’s all cleared up now.
The timing wasn’t good because I was supposed to fly to New York and attend the conference. But I couldn’t find anyone to take care of Buddy for the trip on short notice. So I couldn’t attend the event.
I tried to arrange for someone to take him right up until the day before the event, then gave up and called organizer Loren Feldman to tell him I couldn’t attend.
He didn’t take it very well, and kept saying sarcastically that he understands, my dog is sick and so I can’t come. The whole conversation was odd given that we’ve been friends for years and I went out of my way to promote his event. Now, I realize, he was recording his side of the conversation and has posted it, making me look rather dumb.
This is just what Loren does, and I can’t fault him for it. It was the eve of his first big event and he was nervous about how it would turn out. All he probably heard me say was “I don’t care about your event, I’m blowing it off.” But that isn’ what I said, I really did want to attend to support a friend. But I also had a small creature depending on me and I couldn’t leave him without someone responsible to take care of him.
The conference was clearly a success, and I’m glad we were able to promote it on TechCrunch, Twitter and Facebook, and help hook him up with at least one sponsor. Good luck to Loren in the future.
But there is fallout from this. This isn’t the first time Loren has made me look dumb to create content on his site. I really thought of him as a good friend, someone who may be a friend for the rest of my life. That’s why when he comes to California I open my house to him and give him my second car to drive. But friends don’t take advantage of others just to give themselves a cool blog post. At this point, I’m forced to protect myself around Loren and not give him any further fodder for his blog.
What I realize out of all of this is simple – Loren values my friendship less than he values the opportunity to post a short piece of content making me look dumb.
If you live in the bay area and want to adopt a lab, this lab rescue organization is amazing. They take these dogs in when abandoned by owners and care for them and find good homes. There are always a lot more dogs than homes, though. So before you go to a breeder or a pet store, think about taking a rescue dog instead. You’ll be taking a very loving dog out of a kennel, and I guarantee you’ll get back more than you give.
That sucks a friendship has to end over this, especially one you imagined was a life long sort. I hope you two can find middle ground and let it go. Then again, I always say, “There are 7 billion people on this planet and I’m friends with 5 of them. I’m good with that.”
We define ourselves by the friends we keep. We also define ourselves by how we treat people. And, you are teaching me that we define ourselves by how we treat animals, especially those that aren’t loved anymore by their owners. Sorry you had to go through this. Is Buddy up for a walk on the beach?
Mike,
as a proud «father» to a black lab, I’ve got to tell you that I was moved by your decision.
Being a whole ocean across in Portugal, how can I help?
Miguel
Mike,
I respect you and what you do a great deal, but I think you have to seriously consider the flip side of this a little more. You let him know the night before the event that you, one of the more high profile speakers, wouldn’t be there for the conference.
Leaving everything else out of it, don’t you think that stung a bit?
I know you’re annoyed that the video cropped up, but maybe you should just eat it on this one. If you had an inkling you couldn’t show up, you probably should’ve let him know a lot sooner than the night before.
From the outside looking in, you hurt him and he took a shot at you. I’d call it even.
Hey Mike, it was a really good decision and I’m glad you made it. Of course I’m disappointed (but not surprised) by Loren’s response, but really, fuck him, friends don’t pull bullshit stunts like that.
Mike, You did the right thing.
I saw Buddy at your office last week and was surprised to see how attached he was to you after such a short time. He is a cool dog.
Loren is a good guy, but his sense of humor and sarcasm is different than most. It is what has made him unique and memorable. He is like Punk’d with an attitude. It works for him, but the collateral damage (fall-out) can be messy.
You made the right decision…Loren didn’t. Hmmm…come to think of it, I have recently been betrayed by a person I thought was my friend too. Jealousy and misinformation outweighed any loyalty. Sad, but it happens. Move on. You are the bigger person. Buddy will always be loyal no matter what.
Don
When I heard you weren’t coming to Audience Conference, I had to go out in the hall and cry. But then I looked at my face in the mirror and realized – this isn’t a big deal. When I see Michael Arrington, I’ll just ask him for $400. Plus a vig. And then all was well and I enjoyed Audience Conference.
P.S. Hey Buddy.
Buddy is so adorable that I didn’t even mind when he sunk his teeth into my forearm and almost tore holes in my Burberry raincoat. Very rambunctious and obviously loves playing with Laguna. He’s lucky to have found a loving home – or two, considering how much he seems to like running around TC HQ.
What happens between friends is between friends, so I can’t offer my take on that. I think the key, as with anything in life, is acceptance. Accepting people as they are, and then deciding how to deal with them in light of that, can mean ending a friendship or just adapting it. For example, one of my dearest friends came to stay with me for a couple of weeks and was the most oblivious, inconsiderate houseguest I’ve ever had. Every night, I was seething with rage, swearing I was never going to talk to her again after the disrespect she’d shown my home. But then I talked to a mutual friend who said, “Oh yeah, didn’t I tell you she’s an atrocious guest?” I let it go, maintained the friendship, and never again invited her to stay with me. I’m glad I didn’t sacrifice our bond over one incident.
But only you know your dealbreakers.
i think everybod who saw the video realised he was joking. i think.